


Oh sheizelbum, They're home early

by Im_Angry_and_Smol



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ceiling Vent Barton Children, Crack Treated Seriously, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Human Disaster Peter Parker, I Don't Even Know, Not Canon Compliant, Timeline What Timeline, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, What Was I Thinking?, Worried Tony Stark, no beta we die like men, paintball guns, so much sugar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_Angry_and_Smol/pseuds/Im_Angry_and_Smol
Summary: After texting in the wrong group chat, Peter has accidentally invited way more kids to the tower than he meant to. This leads to hosting a party while the Avengers are out to dinner. And trying to keep it secret. This goes about as well as can be hoped.
Relationships: Barton Children & Peter Parker & Morgan & Harley, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & MJ & Ned, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	Oh sheizelbum, They're home early

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this quickly, I apologize because it's probably super bad. Anyways, suggestions and questions are welcome in the comments. Please be nice and enjoy! :)

-mini-vengers meeting-

sbider-pete: tony is going out w/ the avengers 2night. U guys wanna come over?  
thesassisreal: u gotta send the jet 2 pick me up tho  
sbider-pete: HARLEY!?? Oh s h o o t. wRoNgChAt.  
sbider-pete: y’all didnt see nothing  
hermajesty: 2 late. u’ve invited us all, now let’s plan this party  
Ant-girl: yaaaayyy!! Party at stark tower!!  
therealhawkeye: can bb nate come?  
Pepperintraining: of course, cooper. Peter, you screwed up.  
guyinthechair: you done messed up, peter  
sbider-pete: thx for the support guys..  
hawkeye-butbetter: is morgan gonna be there?  
sbider-pete: yeah, im bb sitting 2night.  
hermajesty: And throwing the hottest party of the year!!  
sbider-pete: shuri nO  
thesassisreal: let her speak pete  
hermajesty: i’ll pick up Lila, cooper and nate in my plane around 445  
thesassisreal: the jet’ll pick up me and cassie. I’ll bring candy  
Ant-girl: yes!!  
Pepperintraining: me and ned will bring soda and chips.   
therealhawkeye: aWeSoMe. see you guys l8r

therealhawkeye and several others have left the chat.

sbider-pete: i’m dead.  
guyinthechair: u hella dead  
sbider-pete: really?  
guyinthechair: sorry, dude.

guyinthechair and 1 other has left the chat.

Peter stared at his phone screen in horror. That had gotten out of hand so quickly he still wasn’t quite sure how it’d happened. What was he gonna tell Tony?   
Nothing, he decided. He wouldn’t tell Tony. They’d have the party and send everyone home before the adults got back. Besides, Tony had told him he could have friends over.

-4:30 pm-

“You’re sure you’ll be fine? Cause if you aren’t then we can cancel, right Pepper?” Mr.Stark was rambling. Peter rolled his eyes fondly. Morgan giggled and hugged his leg tighter.  
“They’ll be fine Tony. Won’t you? And Ned and MJ are coming over right?” Peter nodded and Pepper smiled. “See, nothing to worry about. Now we’ll be going now.”  
“I’ll call later! Just to check in on you guys!” Tony shouted as Pepper pushed him into the car. Happy closed the door behind them.  
“Have fun, kids. He’ll be fine.”  
“Keep an eye on him, Happy.” Peter said as farewell. Happy nodded and they drove off.  
“Morgan?”  
“Yes, Petey?”  
“How do you feel about having a party?”  
“A party!?” She squealed.   
Peter laughed and lifted her into his arms easily. “Yes, a party. But it's a secret so shh.” They stepped into the elevator and rode it up to the penthouse.  
“Who's coming?” Morgan asked.   
“Oh well, your big brother Harley..” She gasped in excitement, “MJ and Ned,” Morgan clapped in delight, “The Bartons and Cassie,” here Morgan seemed overcome with excitement and stilled. “And Princess Shuri!”  
“That's everyone!” Morgan shrieked and Peter laughed a full belly laugh, nearly falling off the couch. “When? When, Petey, when??” She jumped in her spot.  
“Soon. At five, which means we need to go set up.”  
“Aaahhhh!” She yelled and ran out of the room, without him. Peter sighed happily.

For the next half hour they worked. Quickly grabbing all of the things that absolutely could not be broken and putting them away. Morgan made herself busy putting stacks of dishes on the table. Peter made sure all the important doors were locked. (Not that it would matter if any of the older kids wanted to get in) Any and all weapons that Peter could find were locked in a safe.  
Ned and MJ showed up first. Bringing an absurd amount of chips and soda. Every flavor you could even imagine, and vanilla ice cream. For rootbeer floats. When Peter asked why in the world they needed so much food MJ looked at him like he was an idiot and reminded him of who was coming. On second thought, Peter agreed.  
“Mini-Boss, the jet has arrived.”   
“Thanks, FRIDAY. That’ll be Harley and Cassie.”  
“Harley!” Morgan ran out onto the landing pad before Peter could even warn her otherwise. MJ laughed at his bewildered look.  
“What’s up Petey-pie? Ned? Darlin’?” Harley greeted them. He wore ragged jeans and an old hoodie.  
“Nothin’ much. Just talking with my nerds.”   
“How come he can call you darlin?” Peter whined to MJ.  
“He’s from Tennessee, its cute.” Then she snagged the bags of candy Harley was carrying and walked away to arrange them on the table.  
“How’s the old man?” Harley asked Peter.  
“He’s fine. Might have separation anxiety though.” Peter answered with a grin. Ned choked on his laughter and Harley grinned.  
“Where’s the princess and three gremlins from hell?”  
“You seriously spend too much time with Tony.”  
“Princess Shuri and Agent Barton's demon spawn have arrived.” FRIDAY helpfully spoke up.  
“Please don’t freak out over Shuri,” Peter whispered to Ned, who had been nearing hyperventilation.  
“Ok, cool. I’ll be cool.” Peter shot him a withering look.  
“Peter!” Shuri yelled and ran inside. “I brought new tech!” Harley’s head perked up and he and Ned eagerly gathered around the two of them.  
Lila and Cooper ran inside past them. Nate followed a bit slower on his younger legs.  
“Where’s Cassie and Morgan?” Lila asked MJ. She pointed down the hall, Lila turned and ran.  
“Candy?” Cooper asked. MJ pointed at the kitchen and he disappeared inside. Little Nate wandered right up to her and held up his arms. She smiled sweetly at him and picked him up.  
“Hey, little Nate.” She cooed.  
“Jay-jay! We gonna party?”  
“Party allll night. Yes, Nate.”

From there, things only escalated.   
Almost immediately, Just Dance was started up. Only this time Tony’s ‘improvements’ to the game were included and so there was a holographic dance floor and score boards as well. Shuri, Peter, Harley and Cooper were all playing with the custom designed songs from Tony’s playlists. The entire floor shook with the bass from the music.  
The snack table had been ravaged. The little kids(Cassie, Morgan, Nate, and Lila) had played chubby bunny with the mega marshmallows while Ned supervised/cheered them on. This led to races/sock skating on the hardwood hallways because of sugar highs.   
At some point someone(probably Harley) had tried to make milkshakes with ice cream, soda and candy. This somehow resulted in Dum-E finding a way upstairs and trying to clean up the kitchen. Butterfingers and U had followed their brother upstairs and were now watching the chaos from respective corners. MJ supposed it was entirely possible they were overwhelmed by the amount of Tony Stark Recklessness™ on a single floor.  
The lights had been dimmed so that the entire penthouse resembled some kind of kid friendly club. The bar that normally served alcohol for the Avengers had been taken over by soda, whipped cream and cherries.   
It was beautiful.  
Peter was sweating and panting hard. A Just Dance competition had just been won by Shuri, they had danced non-stop for about an hour. He went to the bar and got himself another cup of soda. Absentmindedly wondering who had made the mess of cups on the counter, it looked like they had tried to make a tower by stacking them.  
A sudden screeching made him nearly drop his soda, he wildly looked around for the source. A blur ran past him.  
“MAKE OVERS!!”   
Peter let his guard drop. It was just Lila, Morgan, Shuri and MJ. He laughed and watched the group of girls run down the hallway towards the bathroom. Peppers' make up was in there and MJ had probably brought some of her own stuff.  
“Pete! Pete, look!” Peter's head whipped up and he threw Nate a thumbs up. The toddler had found his way on top of U’s head and was now riding the robot around the living room. Excited beeps could be heard.  
“Have fun Nate!”  
“Hey dude, come over and help us! We’re gonna make my Lego Death Star fly!” Ned excitedly waved Peter over to the coffee table where he and Harley were working on blueprints.   
“Cool! What propulsion are we using?”  
“I found some of the Iron Man repulsors.” Harley mentioned casually.  
Peter squinted at him. That didn’t sound very responsible but Peter had so much sugar and soda in his system that he couldn’t be sure. He shrugged, chugging the rest of his soda and sat down on the couch.  
..  
“Tony, they’re fine.” Pepper reassured him.  
“Yeah, man. Let the kids live a little. They’re not gonna die without you there.” Clint laughed.  
“I know, I’m just gonna call Pete real quick.” Tony said, pulling out his phone.  
He dialed the number, it started to ring. It rang and rang. He started to get worried, Peter always picked up quickly. But then the phone crackled and Peter’s voice came through.  
“Tony? What’s up?”  
“Hey, kid. I was just checking in. Everything ok?” Tony smiled.  
“Uh..yeah! Yeah, everythings great. Ned and MJ are over, Morgans having fun.”  
“Good. Yeah, that’s good.” Tony felt his heart start to calm down. A loud noise from his phone made him jump. “What was that?” He asked quickly.  
“Nothing,” Peter said quickly, his voice went high and squeaky. “just..Harley! Put that down!”  
“Harley!? What’s he doing there? How’d he get to the tower?” Tony was so confused.  
“He flew in on the jet. Not sure why...but um..we’re fine. Harley’s building Lego’s with Ned.”  
“Oh. Ok,” His brow furrowed, “Just make sure he goes home early enough. You guys have school tomorrow. We’ll be home late though. Behave yourselves. No explosions, and stay out of the labs.”  
“Yes, Tony.” Peter said in a fond voice. “No lab or explosions, I promise.”  
“Great. See ya later kid.”  
“Bye, Tony.” Peter hung up and Tony frowned at his phone before pocketing it.  
“So?” Pepper asked him.  
“Yeah they’re ok. Harley came over too.” Pepper squinted at him before smiling brightly.  
“I told you they’d have fun. Now come hang out with your team.” She tugged on his arm and Tony found himself forgetting all about the strange behavior from Peter.  
…

“Code Red. I repeat, Code Red. The Barton children have found the weaponry.” FRIDAY’s voice blared through the tower.  
It was late by now. Probably around nine. Each of the children had consumed amounts of sugar and junk food that would have their parents fainting. The lights were still dimmed and bright party lights lit up the penthouse poorly.  
Dum-E and U were still trying to clean up the kitchen and were actually doing a decent job. Butterfingers was AWOL. The girls had emerged from the bathroom about an hour ago decked out in expensive designer clothes that hung off the youngest ones like blankets. Make up done expertly and in huge excess adorned their faces and all of them had painted their nails.   
Ned, Peter, and Harley had worked together and were now piloting the Deathstar around the room while Shuri cheered them on and looked for any improvements she could make at the same time. The rest of the girls, minus Lila, were playing Uno on the floor.  
However, the minute FRIDAY spoke all of the chaos stopped. Each child/teen froze and made eye contact with the person closest to them. For a second nobody said anything and then they burst into motion.  
“Stay away from the vents!” Peter screamed as he crawled up the wall and out of the room on the ceiling.  
“Pick a buddy!” MJ tried to direct Morgan and Cassie.  
“Everyone for themselves!” Harley shouted and ran out of the room cackling like a mad man.  
Ned simply screamed and fled. MJ rolled her eyes at his retreating figure. Shuri laughed at him as well.  
“Team up?” Shuri suggested.  
“Come on.” MJ waved her hand, Shuri followed.

In Pepper’s clothes closet, among many shimmering and lengthy dresses, Morgan and Cassie giggled together. They tried to shush eachother but only ended up giggling even more. A suction cup dart plopped itself onto Cassies forehead and then Morgans. They squealed in fright and ran out of the room. Nate giggled and rolled back under the bed.  
Bruce’s lab, while having it’s own security, was not as locked up as Tony’s. Meaning that Harley could get in without a problem. As well as Ned, who had followed Harley in blind panic and helped hack the security.  
“What do we do?” Ned whispered from under the desk. Harley shrugged from under the other desk.  
“Keep out of sight, I guess. Find a weapon or something.”  
“Yeah but- eep.”  
Ned went cross eyed as he tried to look at the suction cup dart on his forehead. Harley choked on laughter until one landed on his own head, making him glare playfully.  
“Hey!” He shouted. They heard snickering from the vents.  
“Don’t make me come up there..” Harley stared in dismay at his tshirt that was now spotted with green paint.  
“Aw come on! I didn’t know the Avengers had paint guns.” Ned whined, wiping paint off of his face.  
“We’ve gotta do something.” Harley and Ned nodded at eachother.  
Up in the vents, Cooper silently crawled away.

“You ready?” Shuri whispered over her shoulder.  
“Yep.” MJ whispered back.  
The two teen girls were back to back with shields and paint guns of their own. They were in the gym, positioned away from the exits and eyeing the vents.   
“How do you think the others are doing?” Shuri asked.  
“Those losers’ve probably already gotten hit.”  
“Yeah, oh! Shh.”  
A clatter made the two girls look up. Lila stared back at them from the rafters. Her own paint gun aimed at them.  
“Surrender.”  
“We’ll take our chances.” MJ glared.  
“Your choice.” Lila shrugged and jumped.  
A rope clipped to her waist streaked through the air. MJ and Shuri opened fire. Lila hit the ground and all hell broke loose.  
…  
“I hope Peter’s not too tired from Morgan.” Pepper mused, Tony smiled at her.  
“I’m sure they’re fine.”  
“Tony, you hear that?” Steve asked, a frown on his face.  
Tony listened hard, Clint and Natasha cocked their heads. They were all still in the elevator, going up to the penthouse. Having gotten tired but not wanting to go their separate ways yet.  
“No. What is it?”  
“Sounds like..yelling.” Steve said hesitantly.  
“Huh. Probably just the kids.”  
The elevator dinged and the Avengers stepped out into a war zone. Tony felt his mouth drop.  
Peter was standing upside down on the ceiling, shooting a paint gun. Another kid, probably a girl, hung from a rope in the chaos, twin paint pistols in her hands and ammo strapped across her torso. On the other side of the room a mini sniper was shooting from an opened vent near the ceiling.  
MJ and Shuri were taking shots from behind the bar, which Tony noticed was covered in cups, both stacked and knocked over. A Lego Deathstar was flying through the room, it had been shot with suction cup nerf bullets. He could see Ned taking cover under a table and piloting it.  
Harley was standing out in the open and shooting at anything and everything that moved in his line of vision. Two young girls, Morgan was one and Tony thought maybe Cassie was the other, were making a break for it and army crawling across the floor towards the kitchen.   
A sudden cry made Tony and the rest of the Avengers jolt out of their shock.   
“INTRUDERS!” A shrill shriek echoed. Tony looked down to see the baby Barton boy, Nate, pointing a suction cup arrow at him. He released, it was a direct hit.  
“Where?” Peter yelled. Suddenly the Avengers found themselves in the sights of ten childrens weapons.  
“Fire at will!” Cooper screamed from the vents. The children obeyed.  
The bombardment of paintballs and suction cup bullets and arrows ended after a second, once the kids realized who they were.  
“Oops.” Shuri said, wide eyed.  
“Oh sheizelbum, they’re home early.” Peter said matter-of-factly.  
Tony glared. “Peter, did you have a party in this penthouse..”  
“Umm…”  
“Without inviting me?!” Tony finished loudly, he grinned and Peter stared at him in shock.   
Tony burst into laughter, the Avngers were laughing behind him too. The kids just stared at them silently.  
“You’re not...mad?” Peter asked hesitantly.  
“A little? I don’t know. It’s good to get some teenage rebellion out. Throwing a party while theparets aren’t home is good. Hell I didn much worse at MIT with Rhodey. No, I’m not mad. But you guys are cleaning everything up. Speaking of you guys, who is everybody?”  
“Uh…” Peter was still staring at him speechless.  
“Well those are my kids. What are you still doing up?” Clint stepped forward, scoooping Nate into his arms.   
“Fighting.” Nate babbled. Lila nodded, still suspended in the air.  
“Me and Ned dropped by. Harley flew in Cassie.” MJ helpfully added.  
“Who’s Cassie?” Steve asked, still bewildered.  
“Oh thats me!” Cassie popped up from the floor. Her make up was smudged even as she grinned brightly. “My Daddy’s Ant-man!”  
“Hey Bucky!” Shuri waved. The msn waved back. Steve did a double take.  
“How do you know her?”   
“She’s the princess of Wakanda.” Bucky answered simply. Clint, Pepper, Steve and Tony did a double take.  
“Princess?” Three of them gasped.  
“That genius girl!?” Tony yelled excitedly. “Peter! You were friends with another teen genius and didn’t tell me!? I’m offended.”  
“Wait, wait, wait. How do you guys even know eachother? We never brought our kids to work.” Clint asked.  
“There’s a group chat.” Peter offered. Nine heads bobbed in agreement.   
“How did I miss that?” Natasha whispered.   
“Tony! Your robot friends have taken up residence in the kitchen!” Thor’s voice boomed and Tony looked up in alarm.  
“Oh yeah.” Peter scratched his head sheepishly, “Dum-E, U and Butterfingers got upstairs somehow. We still don’t know who let them in.”  
Tony stared. His mouth opened and closed. “Outrageous,” He muttered, throwing up his hands, “my kids throw a party and even my robots get invited before me.”  
Everybody laughed, Tony pouted before pulling Peter into a hug.  
“Let’s get this party started for real!”


End file.
